Run the race...

"...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us."

Hebrews 12:1

"Even When"

This week, I prayed, one time
My phone, it rang, I put You on the other line
And now my thoughts they drift around
My knees remain unacquainted with the ground
Unless my faith is put to the test and I am forced to bow
Although I'm in this flesh it doesn't mean You shouldn't have the best
from me, from me

Even when my eyes are dry
even when my soul is tired
even when my hands are heavy, I will lift them up to You
It's not about how I feel, oh Lord I am here for You
I exist for you

I close my eyes but all I see
Is a background of black, bouncy squiggly lines
And this week's mistakes coming back to mind but
I will lift my voice and make a joyful sound
Forget about me, I only get me down
Although I cannot see it doesn't mean I shouldn't sing to You, to You

Even when my eyes are dry
even when my soul is tired
even when my hands are heavy, I will lift them up to You
It's not about how I feel, oh Lord I am here for You
I exist for you

You've given me Your life and have held mine together yet I find
Excuses to slouch in my pew
But when glory divine
Is sitting in my very presence, the least that I can do
Is give my all to You, give my all to You

Even when my eyes are dry
even when my soul is tired
even when my hands are heavy, I will lift them up to You
It's not about how I feel, oh Lord I am here for You
I exist for you

Psalm 23

Psalm 23

A Psalm of David.

¹ The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
² He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
³ He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.


This passage has infiltrated my life this week. It seems to be everywhere, coming at me from every angle, and different people and situations.

So here's the deal...

On Saturday I forced myself to get on the ball about applying for this sweet PE job in Tampa, FL at a Christian high school. Resume and cover letter were sent via email and the application itself was going in the mail to be sent overnight on Monday.

It was Monday. At school, it was another day. In life, I was spiritually parched. At lunch, while I'm praying for my food, I end up on a tangent prayer asking God to clearly reveal to me the next step in His plans for me. 2:30 - school ended.

As I'm heading out of the parking lot, I get the feeling that I should go home and check my email before heading to the post office to apply for what seems like my dream job. Email received on Monday March 16 from Heather Brown (HR Director at Northside Christian Schools) - "Ms. Byrd, Unfortunately we are no longer filling this position. Thank you for your interest in Northisde Christian School."

genked.

At this moment I'm sitting on the couch trying to rack my brain of any other possibilities. Check out another website - they basically say they're not hiring. Another - nothing. And another - still nothing.

Disappointment, anxiety, and fear flood my heart. What's God's plan?

I really don't know and I still don't. At first, I sided with staying here - just wait another year until hopefully the job market is a little better. However, contrary to what I thought would be the case, the thought of staying here in Harrisonburg, (even though leaving would be so sad), seemed weird and not right for a bit.

Then came discipleship preparations. Elizabeth George rocked my face.

Psalm 23 clearly states that "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." I've known that this is what it's said since I was little. But now I see that what it's telling me is that God has been, is, and will continue to take care of me and provide for all of my needs, so I don't have to want for anything.

I've always thought myself to be faithful, but honestly I'm a little terrified. For now, I'm choosing to stick to my guns and go to Tampa unless God tells me no. I desire His will for my life and right now I'm not sure what that is, but if it's moving to Tampa without a job, I'll do it - I won't be thrilled in the beginning, but I'll do it - shaky knees and all.

All of this is kind of easy to type up on the web and post, but the action behind it is the hardest part. Right now, my thoughts and intentions are in the right place, but my willing actions may not be so quick and eager to follow...

God makes us a lot of promises and He doesn't back down from them. In Psalm 23 alone we see that He will lead us, guide us, comfort us, feed us, protect us, restore us, give us rest, be with us, anoint us, and provide us with Eternal life - we shall not want.

I suppose my prayer at this point is for increased faith and decreased worry and anxiety. For a quieted heart and mind to hear Him speak and opened eyes to follow Him closely.


"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want..."

tired

It's Monday and it's raining.

I'm physically tired. Last night's attempt at sleeping didn't work out so well. Well... the attempts worked out great every hour, I exerted a lot of effort trying to fall back asleep. But the sleep itself turned out to be unsuccessful.

I'm spiritually lagging. Last week was not a good week with God and it's totally all on me. In this case, my attempts were unsuccessful. Why is that we allow routine, or the lack thereof, to dictate diligence in our relationship with Him?

The routine returns today. Back at it again. This time however, I'm not going to let it fade away over time. I need to keep it, hold on to it with every ounce of strength that I have. I'm done with status quo- it's time to step up for real, to step up for sure, to be consistent, persistent, and intentional.


"To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven..." Ecclesiastes 3:1


The time is now.

I love Him for that...

I'm in reading class again... my students are actually working today (at least they're supposed to be). They're anxious because they know that if they work well today we're going outside for free time.


I love how God will take us out of one situation in order to re-position us... I love him for that!

Previous situation: Engaged and Settling.
New situation: Empowered and Serving - Aletheia Tampa

Now, for those of you who don't already know, I'm moving to Tampa in July. God's finally taking me out of Harrisonburg. After 22 years of being in pretty much the same place He's leading me elsewhere...and I'm stoked.

Becoming a legit disciple of Christ has been an interesting walk and I think that I'm finally on the right track. I can honestly say that I want what God wants- I'm submitting to His Will, knowing that my plans are no good, and that He knows what is ultimately best for me. I love Him for that.

As stoked as I am, this move is bittersweet. God has blessed me with a home - not just a house - but a home; with amazing roommates, best friends, and sisters; and with the best family and ministry partners one could imagine. So clearly, leaving a lot of that and moving 14 hours away is difficult, but necessary to fulfill His plans for me.

My plans were simple. In 2005, I thought I had it all figured out- date, love, marry. And that's just what I did. However, my perfect plan to be married on April 4, 2009 and to start a family thereafter proved to be inaccurate.

God had something bigger in mind- move to Tampa, be a part of a new church plant, leave your job to find a new one in the midst of an economic crisis. Work was soon to be done!

September 1, 2008- After a year of going the opposite direction, I finally accepted that I needed to let go of my own road and merge onto His- so I did! A couple weeks later I was faced with the first mention of moving to Tampa. He works fast. I love Him for that!

From that point on, things started to change drastically. My attitude and desires were different. I wanted what God wanted, I was hungry to learn more about Him. It wasn't easy moving from one road to the other, but it was growth- and that's what I needed most.

Six months later, I'm in the process of applying for a new job... I'm preparing to move in 4 months... I'm not who I was... God is molding and shaping me, cleansing and purifying my heart, using me for His glory. I love Him for that!

No Title

So I'm sitting here in one of my classrooms... my 5 reading students are hanging out in the back having a good time, hoping in the back of their minds that Ms. Byrd doesn't yell at them to sit down and do their work anytime soon (I don't plan on it today). I've had this blog account set up for a while now...using it originally as a means to keep up with the blogs of my amazing brothers and sisters. I'm sitting here today thinking that maybe I should start writing something every now and then... I suppose it's worth a try.

Just a side note: one of my students just walked up to the front of the room singing "You're So Lonely" to me... apparently my students don't think I have a life outside of the 4 walls of this classroom.

Anyway...

I love and serve God.
He's a big God.
A larger than life God.
An end all, be all God.
He's the ultimate planner- the ultimate agenda.
His will- my fuel.
He created all of us, all of this- heavens and earth.
He has resurrection power- He can raise the dead.
He gives life and light to those who are dead and in darkness.

These statements are all true and I believe them all. This overriding concept that God is everything is a concept that's hard for the human mind to wrap around - at least it is for mine.

I've been learning that emotion is not what it's all about.
There are times when I don't feel like doing something. When I don't feel like studying my bible. When I don't feel like meditating on His Word. When I don't feel God's presence...

...but what does that mean?

Does that mean that I just go my own way until I feel Him next?
Does that mean that I don't pray and communicate with Him during these droughts?
Does that mean that I am less of a believer than the person next to me?

No. It doesn't mean anything of the like...

It means that I need to focus more on His will.
It means that I need to pray and communicate with Him more than ever before.
It means that I am a human. But doesn't ever mean that my salvation is diminishing.

God is not a god of condition. He's there always.

"Fear not, for I am with you,
Be not dismayed, for I am your
God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My
righteous right hand."
ISAIAH 41:40

If I never feel God again...will I never seek Him again? will I never look to Him for answers again? will I choose not to love Him?

...i think not.